Saturday, October 8, 2011

Allow me to introduce myself.

I'm just another somebody.

Just another college student who lurks around in the dark on the weekends
in their Hollister hoodie and pajama pants
with a neon green headband securing their messy bun
while they swim through endless pages of paper
until "distraction" arrives in the form of Hulu.com...

Just another musician who never wants to work on their scales
even while knowing full well how bloody essential they are to progress of any kind...

I'm just another friend.
Just another daughter,
just another sister.
Just another child of God.
Just another troubled soul.

Just another girl who has been paralyzed with fear
by the worthless opinions of those who think they matter,
seldom taking into consideration the opinion of He who has made her.

One who has been told to sit on her hands.
One who has been told to keep her tongue bitten.
One who now refuses to be a robot,
and will no longer succumb to the suffocation of silence.

I am not embarking on this path to be a rebel,
nor to show that I've found my cojones.
I am not metaphorically getting sleeves of tattoos and piercing things that shouldn't be pierced.
I am trying to take steps toward growth.
I'm learning when to speak and when to be silent,
and when I chose to speak, I'm learning how to do so in an appropriate manner.

I'm allowing my Father to mold, break, bend, crack, poke, prod, squish and stretch me.

I want change.
Well, I need change.

So here I am.
This is me.
I am not here to please you.
I am not here so that your thumb can have something to pin down.
I am not here to be an article in your prayer-meeting-version of US Weekly.
I am not here to make sure that you go through life unoffended.
However, I am also not here to intentionally offend you,
nor to instigate petty arguments about minuscule behavioral preferences.
I'm not here to spew puffed-up, intelligent-sounding nothings
that will have me classified as being too big for my skinny jeans.

I'm simply trying to stand firm in every sense that I'm currently capable of wrapping my head around.

If you'd like to watch, you're welcome to.
If you want to discuss things in a civil and mature manner, you are more than welcome to.
If you love to take what you see and "run and tell that,"
then just know that while I can do nothing about it,
your Respect-O-Meter points will drop significantly.

Pray for me.
Keep me accountable as a sister in Christ.
I need those things.
What I do not need are people who are just looking to "get up in my grill."
If that is your mission, then by all means,
do find it in your will to skedaddle.
I eat spies for breakfast. With ketchup. They're crispy.


Welcome to all who have come to see this spectacle walk the proverbial tightrope of life.



Peace, love, and carrot cake.


3 comments:

  1. "I am not here so that your thumb can have something to pin down.
    I am not here to be an article in your prayer-meeting-version of US Weekly.
    I am not here to make sure that you go through life unoffended.
    However, I am also not here to intentionally offend you,
    nor to instigate petty arguments about minuscule behavioral preferences.
    I'm not here to spew puffed-up, intelligent-sounding nothings
    that will have me classified as being too big for my skinny jeans."

    --this is my favorite part of the whole thing. I love what you have to say, but I love how you've chosen to say it even more. I'm a huge personal fan of writing free form. I think it really allows you to say what;s on your mind without forcing it, while stilling striving to be thoughtful and concise, which I think you were. I look forward to thinking, expressing, and growing with you.--
    C

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  2. I love how you've dug deep and let your soul speak! Don't fault yourself for petty flaws or things that most people in human nature are guilty of. I'm proud of you and the young woman you strive to grow and be everyday according to God. Love you much!

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  3. Thank you, HeartSpokeN! May I have a hint as to who you are? I'm at a loss... :)

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